So, I downloaded an app called Timehop.
Seemed a good idea at the time. I opened it today to be presented with a photo that haunts me to this day.
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This was the day I had words with my best friend & never spoke to her, or two other friends, again. It's 3 years ago this week.
This weekend has been one of the hardest in a while, when a few things have amalgamated in me remembering to put those barriers back up.
I think of them often, and never give up hope that they may want to speak to me again one day.
Mr B & I are going through an iffy patch. I told him only tonight that I know I can be a difficult person to know, as I've lost friends in the past. I have a heart of gold & care deeply for my friends. My downfall, is opening my mouth & saying what I think & standing by my morals & values. I'd hope, now, that I don't say anything to hurt peoples feelings, although I suspect (know) I was guilty of this in the past.
So, this photo is of old Lucie who thought everything was hunky dory in her little world & that she had friends who loved her & would never leave her side.
New Lucie is a lot wiser to her faults & is trying her best every day to be a better person.
Xxx
Wow. I have just been looking at your blog as somehow I haven't seen it before even though I've followed you on IG for aaages! And this post....honestly it could be about me right now. I'm sorry to hear about your 'friends', from looking at your IG you always seem so happy and surrounded by tons of friends.
ReplyDeleteI 'fell out' with my best friend last Summer. Whilst my step son was fighting for his life in intensive care she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore - we had 'grown apart'. It hurt. For the past how ever many years she had been there through everything, and me for her. I had no idea where it came from and was more upset at the way she did it (via fb statuses!). This was the tip of the iceberg for me. It got me thinking - I haven't spoken to my mum or dad for over 5 years and I know they're family so its a bit different, but for the same reasons as you. I have morals and believe things should be said. BELIEVED they should be said, maybe they shouldn't. As they, nor my 2 brothers and sisters talk to me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but as my children grow up (and me too I suppose) I'm starting to miss them. Like you, the guards are up and I've learnt to keep my thoughts to myself, almost not recognising the more honest me. I'm not sure I can pretend but maybe keeping my mouth shut is the better option? Its probably too late to make amends, I've tried with my mum and she's not interested, the truth obviously hurt, but it means I am a better person for the past even if the regret is starting to seep in.
It's been quite refreshing to see that someone else I 'kind of' know is very similar.
I have just started my own blog to come and do the same as you - random photos and waffles to the rest of the world where no one else is looking!
Thankyou!
Kimbo xx